Life after the year

It's been over 4 months now when I arrived back in Estonia. All of the days, that have passed by me since leaving USA, have been very strange. Under it I mean two things: strange as new and strange as bad (although it doesn't make sense). New can be defined as something what has never happened before or an event seen for the first time. Bad as seeing bad things besides me and acknowledging it. Like yesterday when my school day was as bad as it could get. Four tests, I failed all of them, on one I even managed to get 5% correct.. That ruined my chances of getting chemistry "5" now. + my mom is freaking out. Every single day she comes home and starts moaning about how I should do something with my grades. Like what? I can't change them, a clap doesn't make them positive..?! Get over it, let me live my own life and please, live your own not mine.

Enough with the stress and bad stuff now. On with smileys.

Since being back, I have had time to think about what I have done over the last year, what I want and how to get them. It isn't easy, but it pays off in the end (at least for five minutes :D)

I grow with every single day. I meet new people almost daily and grow socially like never before. The first few relationships that I have had, have been cut short because of me. Now I know why and how to not make those mistakes again. That doesn't mean that I am flawless. I still mess up big time, including with girls, like a month ago. But I am willing to learn from it and give it another go and do better this time (hint hint hint).

Even in choir, what might seem like my life from reading this blog, (which it in a way is :D ) I have taken huge steps in fixing my nasal speech (at least I sing with out it ;))... I can't but it into words, currently I am listening to Van Buren Spring Concert recording "Sing no More Ladies" and it brings back good memories. phhhh... off topic. never mind.

Because of the troubles I am having in school currently, I'm not attending soccer practices. Although I would like, I even cancelled a diving trip to egypt which would be the best technical diving week ever!!!! 4 dives per day and some deep dives in the sun, sleep in a hut ON THE BEACH! See the sun rise and sunset. Like magic. But I canceled it :)

So, this week and the next (If not partying :D) I will be either getting my last few driving hours in or studying like crazy at home. But If you are reading this and would like to give me some fresh air, than please feel free to ask me "out"! :D (seriously, free me from these walls)

I dont know.. I actually haven't posted anything like this before, so if it doesn't seem logical than acknowledge what I'm listening to and the fact that I'm just typing what ever comes to my mind.

btw, I mean every word

Todays moto is: your life can be as grey as imaginable, but when you see the sparks, you will never be down.